UH OH, HALLE BERRY’S BABY DADDY COULD BE DEPORTED BECAUSE OF THE BRAWL…
Halle Berry's baby daddy, Gabriel Aubry, who was arrested on Thanksgiving after a brutal brawl with the actresses' fiance, Olivier Martinez, could be facing deportation back to his native Canada, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. "Not only is Gabe dealing with the possibility of losing shared custody of his daughter, Nahla, and possible criminal charges, but the real possibility of being deported back to Canada because of the arrest," a source close to the former model tells RadarOnline.com exclusively. "Gabe is in the United States on a work visa and anytime someone is arrested on child abuse, domestic violence, assault or battery charges the Immigration and Naturalization Services is contacted by law enforcement.
"During the time Gabe was being held at the police station he was asked if he was a United States citizen, and he said no. This is what triggered INS being contacted. It's not a given that Gabe will be automatically deported, but it's a very real possibility. He doesn't need to be convicted in order to be deported, the arrest is enough to terminate his visa."

IT’S ON! STEVEN TYLER VS. NICKI MINAJ
NICKI MINAJ has shifted her focus from beefing with CURRENT "American Idol" judges to going after FORMER "Idol" judges. Her new target is: STEVEN TYLER. It started with Steven telling MTV News that he is NOT optimistic about the new judges on "Idol", because he's heard about all the drama between Nicki and MARIAH CAREY and thinks the show needs COMPASSIONATE judges, not contentious ones. He explained, quote, "These kids, they just got out of a car from the Midwest somewhere and they're in New York City, they're scared to death you're not going to get the best [out of them]. "If it was BOB DYLAN, Nicki Minaj would have had him sent to the cornfield! Whereas, if it was Bob Dylan with us, we would've brought the best of him out, as we did with PHILLIP PHILLIPS." Without naming names, he also said that "some people" have a hard time knowing when it's time to, quote, "shut the [eff] up, and just give [the contestants] your opinion." Well, Nicki was INCENSED when she heard this, and lit into Steven on Twitter. She said, quote, "Steven Tyler said I would have sent Bob Dylan to a cornfield??? Steven, you haven't seen me judge one single solitary contestant yet! "I understand you really wanted to keep your job but take that up with the producers. I haven't done anything to you. That's a racist comment. "You assume that I wouldn't have liked Bob Dylan??? Why? Black? Rapper? What? Go [eff] yourself and worry about yourself babe. Whoa!

ANGUS T. JONES CALLS TWO AND A HALF MEN “FILTH” AND IS URGING FANS NOT TO WATCH THE SHOW!

TRAINWRECK ALERT: LILO WANTS HER OWN SITCOM!
Critics pretty much ripped LINDSAY LOHAN to shreds for her performance in the Lifetime movie "Liz & Dick". But that doesn't matter to her because she wants her own sitcom now. Apparently, CHARLIE SHEEN put that bug in her ear when they did "Scary Movie 5" together. A source says he told her it would be, quote, "an easy way to make very good money and help her to get her movie career back on track." Supposedly, she wants to do a sitcom based on her own life. As for the haters, a source says, quote, "Lindsay isn't fazed at all by the criticism. She thinks everyone is insanely jealous of her, and like it or not, she was trending on Twitter [Sunday] night."

APPARENTLY OPRAH HAD A BREAST CANCER SCARE?

WANT TO RING IN THE NEW YEAR WITH KIM KARDASHIAN? ME NEITHER, BUT HERE’S HOW MUCH IT WOULD COST
Want to ring in the new year with Kim Kardashian? If you're willing to pay $125 for a ticket you can do just that. Kim is scheduled to spend New Year's Eve at 1 OAK Nightclub at the Mirage Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. 
 
DID YOU SEE WHAT BIEBER WORE TO MEET THE CANADIAN PRIME MINISTER? DOUCHE

FINALLY A REASON TO CARE ABOUT TYRA BANKS…A RISQUE PHOTO SHOOT!

3RD TIME’S A CHARM FOR NIKKI SIXX!
Banking on the third time being the charm, Motley Crue bassist Nikki Sixx has announced he will be taking his third stroll down the aisle, this time marrying his girlfriend of two years Courtney Bingham. Sixx’s first two wives were Playboy Playmate Brandi Brandt and actress Donna D’Errico. Aside from becoming Mrs. Sixx No. 3, 27-year old Bingham’s claim to fame is being a (what else) model.

DAMMIT OZZFEST JAPAN IS REALLY GONNA BE AWESOME…
The lineup for the inaugural two-day Ozzfest Japan festival now includes Rock and Roll Hall of Fame guitarist Slash and his band Myles Kennedy and the Conspirators, Tool, Deftones and Stone Sour. These four acts will join previously announced headliners Black Sabbath and Slipknot at the event scheduled for May 11 and 12 at the Makuhari Arena just outside Tokyo. Tickets for the festival are on sale now at ozzfestjapan.com.

KID ROCK’S READY TO RE-RECORD DEVIL WITHOUT A CAUSE FOR ITS’ 15TH ANNIVERSARY!
To celebrate the 15th anniversary of its original release, Kid Rock plans to re-record his multi-platinum-selling 1998 debut album Devil Without a Cause. The Detroit rock-rapper told Billboard, “Some of them will be exactly like they were, and some of them will have the sensibilities of what we’ve learned playing those songs live for 15 years. They’re going to be the way a lot of people have seen us play these versions live… We’ve twisted them up so much to where it’s very interesting, very cool.” The original Devil Without a Cause turns 15 in August.

TODAY IS ‘GIVING TUESDAY’…HOW DO YOU PLAN TO CELEBRATE?

WOW, HURRICANE SANDY DAMAGES TOPPED $42 IN NEW YORK ALONE…
Hurricane Sandy, the superstorm that ravaged the northeast in late October, cost New York $42 billion in loss and damage, according to an official from Governor Andrew Cuomo’s administration.  The cost includes more than $30 billion for repairs and restoration, as well as $9 billion for mitigation of damage and for preventative measures in anticipation of future storms.  In addition, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg said Monday that Sandy caused $19 billion in losses in the city, and is asking federal lawmakers for $10 billion on top of the standard $5.4 billion of disaster aid.  Now, both the state and the city of New York are requesting large aid sums from the federal government.  Governor Cuomo will meet with Mayor Bloomberg to negotiate an official request.  Meanwhile, in neighboring New Jersey, Governor Chris Christie estimated that the hurricane caused about $29.4 billion in damage.

IF YOU BOUGHT ALL THE STUFF FROM THE ’12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS’ THIS YEAR IT WOULD COST YA $25,431!
Every year, a bank breaks down how much it would cost to buy all the items in "The 12 Days of Christmas". This year it would cost you $25,431.18 to buy everything from the song once from 12 drummers drumming to a partridge in a pear tree. That's up 4.8% from last year. The biggest price jump this year is the six geese-a-laying. Six geese jumped 29.6%, from $162 in 2011 to $210 this year. Five gold rings had the next-largest jump. A pear tree had the third biggest.

IF YOU’RE STILL SEARCHING FOR TWINKIES ONLINE, STOP! LOCAL STORES STILL HAVE ‘EM!

GOOD NEWS FELLAS! WOMEN HAVE JUST VOTED CHRISTMAS THE SEXIEST TIME OF THE YEAR
Nothing pays tribute to the most important holiday of the year quite like dressing up as a sexy elf, and getting-it-on with a guy who just ate his body weight in ham. According to a new survey, women voted CHRISTMAS the sexiest time of the year.  Valentine's Day came in second, and their husband or boyfriend's birthday came in third. And of all the lingerie or role playing costume choices for Christmas, women said they're most likely to dress up as a SEXY ELF.  French maid came in second. Overall, Google searches for "sexy lingerie" go up 512% in late November and early December.  And lingerie sales are an average of 263% higher than any other time of the year.

A SEX THEMED AMUSEMENT PARK JUST OPENED IN LONDON?
Sex is fun, so why not make a theme park out of it? The adults-only Amora Academy of Sex and Relationships has opened in London for your amusement! Arouse your curiosity by visiting the interactive attractions, including a spankometer, an orgasm tunnel and a voyeur’s peep wall! Everything is very, uh, hands-on. Visitors are urged to grope life-size naked dummies to discover their erogenous zones and a wide range of sex toys are on display for you to touch. All of the exhibits are designed to teach people how to be better in the bedroom. One thing’s for sure - all of the visitors leave smiling and satisfied!

GO AHEAD AND IGNORE THAT WHOLE FACEBOOK ‘COPYRIGHT’ WARNING, IT’S A HOAX!

SOME LADY’S BATHTUB PIC GOT YANKED ‘CAUSE THE FB GEEKS COULDN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BOOB AND AN ELBOW?
Facebook recently pulled a photo of a woman in a bathtub because her elbow REALLY looks like an EXPOSED BREAST. The photo probably got flagged by the filtering software they use that that searches for nudity and whoever checked out the thumbnail couldn't tell the difference between her arm and a breast. The angle of her arm makes it look like it's part of her chest, and the pinkness of her elbow makes it look like a nipple. Within 24 hours of posting the photo, Facebook moderators spotted it and removed it under
their "indecent material" policy. But here's what probably happened: Their filtering software constantly monitors uploaded
photos and tries to spot nudity. If it flagged the photo and a moderator looked at a small thumbnail, they really would think it was a breast. So it was yanked.

‘MEMBER GABBY GIFFORDS? HER HUBBY’S TWIN BRO IS ABOUT TO SET A NEW SPACE RECORD!

THE BIG HOLIDAY TOY THIS YEAR IS…THE FURBY?
No, this is not us doing a flashback, and reading a Christmas news story from 14 years ago. According to toy industry experts, one of the biggest toys this holiday season is . . . the FURBY. Yes, the same creepy, talking Furby that the media claimed kids loved back in the late '90s. Hasbro released an updated Furby this year with less-creepy eyes and of course, a companion iPhone app. And even though the Furbys are absurdly priced at $54 and up, they're already sold out at Walmart and running low on Amazon. But do your kids actually WANT this? You should probably ask them before you go get into a brawl with another parent over the last Furby at Toys "R" Us tonight.

OVER THE LEFTOVERS? WELL, YOU’RE JUST IN TIME FOR THE ’10 MOST GERM-INFESTED AREAS IN A RESTAURANT’ LIST

BE CAREFUL IF YOU PLAN ON RENTING YOUR KID ONE OF THOSE BOUNCE HOUSE THINGIES FOR THE HOLIDAYS…

AND NOW THE 15 THINGS MEN DON’T KNOW ABOUT THEIR WIVES THAT THEY SHOULD…
A new survey has figured out the top 15 things most men don't know about their wives. Some of these make sense, some don't. But either way, you should really know all of them, and soon. Here's the list:
#1.) Her cell phone number. 54% of men don't know it.
#2.) Her favorite song, 54%.
#3.) Bra size, 39%.
#4.) The specific date you met, 35%.
#5.) Favorite perfume, 34%.
#6.) Where she went to school, 28%.
#7.) Her favorite clothing store, 24%.
#8.) Shoe size, 23%.
#9.) Dress size, 23%.
#10.) Underwear size, 20%.
#11.) Who she considers her best friend, 20%.
#12.) Her allergies, 20%.
#13.) HER BIRTHDAY, 12%. That's about one in eight, by the way.
#14.) Her natural hair color, 11%.
#15.) Her official job title, 10%.

The survey also found that more than three-quarters of men think their wife would know ALL of those details about them!

CAM NEWTON EXPLODED FOR 2 TD TOSSES, 2 TD RUNS IN 30-22 WIN OVER THE EAGLES!

Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton threw touchdown passes of 24 and 43 yards, and ran for scores from 1 and 2 yards out to lead his squad to a 30-22 Monday Night Football victory over the bruised and battered Philadelphia Eagles, losers of 7 straight. With Newton on their side, the Panthers certainly didn’t need any help, but the Eagles played gracious hosts, turning the ball over 3 times on fumbles. The only question left in Philly is whether coach Andy Reid will be around to coach another game this season.

SUH GETS OFF WITHOUT SUSPENSION FOR KICKING MATT SCHAUB IN THE JIMMY!

Despite twice being voted the NFL’s dirtiest player by a panel of his own peers, the league on Monday decided not to suspend Detroit Lions defensive lineman Ndamukong Suh for kicking Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub in the groin on Thanksgiving Day. Suh may have dodged a suspension, but he still may face a fine, according to league spokesman Greg Aiello, who said the incident is still under review. Watch video of Suh causing Schaub to sing soprano here.

BUCCANEERS DB ERIC WRIGHT JUST GOT POPPED FOR USING P.E.D.!

Tampa Bay Buccaneers cornerback Eric Wright will sit out the next four games for violating the league’s policy banning the use of performance-enhancing drugs. The starting DB was popped for taking Adderall, the same banned drug that earned the Bucs other starting cornerback Aqib Talib a similar four-game ban earlier this season. Talib was traded to the Patriots on November 1.

JIM HARBAUGH WILL NAME THE NINERS STARTING QB BY MIDWEEK…

Which San Francisco 49ers quarterback will try to avoid the St. Louis Rams pass rush on Sunday in St. Louis? Coach Jim Harbaugh told reporters on Monday he’ll decide by Wednesday whether Colin Kaepernick will start his second straight game or if Alex Smith will get his starting job back. Harbaugh said he will decide based on “what gives our team the best chance to win this game, like it would at any position. So in a unique situation, you have two quarterbacks that are playing at a very high level.”

COULD RAY LEWIS BE BACK IN WEEK 15?

NBA ROUNDUP: BROOKLYN BEATS NEW YORK, THUNDER BURY BOBCATS

The new kids on the block Brooklyn Nets won the first neighborhood turf tussle against the New York Knicks in Brooklyn on Monday, pulling out a 96-89 win in overtime. Both New York area roundballers are now 9-4 and share a lead in the Atlantic Division. Fittingly, Brook Lopez led Brooklyn with 22 points and 11 boards, while New York City native Carmelo Anthony paced New York with 35 points and 13 rebounds. The Oklahoma City Thunder on Monday scored 28 points in the first quarter and 36 in the second, while holding the Charlotte Bobcats to just 12 points in each of the first two frames to build a 40-point lead at halftime on their way to a 114-69 triumph. Elsewhere in the NBA, the San Antonio Spurs inflicted yet another loss on the woeful Washington Wizards, who are now 0-12 on the season following last night’s 118-92 defeat; the Milwaukee Bucks overcame a 27-point deficit to top the Chicago Bulls 93-92; the Memphis Grizzlies are now 10-2 after getting past the Cleveland Cavaliers 84-78; and the New Orleans Hornets surprised the Los Angeles Clippers 105-98.

KOBE’S GOT A PRETTY FUNNY NEW NICKNAME FOR STEVE NASH…

THE RAYS JUST HANDED LONGORIA A $100M EXTENSION!

For better or for worse, through sickness and in health, the Tampa Bay Rays and third baseman Evan Longoria are married to each other for at least 10 more years after both parties agreed on Monday to a 10-year contract that adds six guaranteed seasons and $100 million. The 27-year old three-time All-Star said, “My goal from Day 1 was to be the first player that played their whole career here… There’s no better place for me.”

THE MLB PLAYOFF SHARES PAID THE GIANTS THE BIGGEST AMOUNT EVER!

HECTOR “MACHO” CAMACHO HAS DIED :(
Boxing legend HECTOR "MACHO" CAMACHO has died after being shot in the jaw in Puerto Rico last Tuesday. He was 50 years old. Initially, it was thought that he might survive . . . but his condition deteriorated after he went into cardiac arrest. Doctors later declared Camacho brain dead on Thanksgiving and his family decided to take him off life support on Saturday. Camacho was shot while in a parked car with a friend. The friend died at the scene. No arrests have been made . . . but cocaine was discovered in the vehicle, so there's a chance the attack was drug-related.

HALLE BERRY’S EX GOT INTO A FIST FIGHT WITH HER CURRENT MAN! AH THANKSGIVING...
On Thanksgiving morning, Halle Berry's ex-boyfriend, Gabriel Aubry, was dropping off their four-year-old daughter at Halle's house when he got into a FIGHT with Halle's fiancé, Olivier Martinez. Apparently Gabriel took a swing at Olivier . . . but Olivier used to be a BOXER and ended up taking Gabriel down and landing some punches. Gabriel was charged with misdemeanor battery. Here’s some pics of Gabe’s face after all this went down…

A NAKED LADY GAGA GOT A LITTLE SURPRISE THANKSGIVING NIGHT…
LADY GAGA was on tour in Peru for Thanksgiving, and she had a little surprise on Thanksgiving night. She woke up to raid the fridge . . . naked . . . and that's when she discovered that 35 Peruvian fans had broken into the garage of the place where she was staying. But she joked about it on Twitter, so apparently she didn't mind. She Tweeted, quote, "When Gaga is asleep, try to break into the garage, sing loud as possible, and ring the doorbell repeatedly. #Happening now. #Bad kids. "Thanksgiving Story: Woke up for leftovers in kitchen, naked, [and] stumbled on security camera revealing 35 monsters in my garage. #Why #ILoveU."

“WHO SHOT J.R.?” WELL ACTUALLY, IT WAS CANCER THAT KILLED HIM…
LARRY HAGMAN . . . J.R. Ewing from "Dallas" passed away on Friday of complications
from throat cancer. He was 81. Larry had filmed several episodes for the upcoming second season of TNT's new "Dallas" show . . . and producers are now trying to come up with a way to give his character a proper sendoff.

CONGRATULATIONS INTERNET, ‘GANGNAM STYLE’ IS NOW THE MOST VIEWED YOUTUBE VID OF ALL TIME
On Saturday, his "Gangnam Style" video surpassed Justin's "Baby" video to become the most-watched YouTube video of ALL TIME. As of late last night, "Gangnam Style" had over 823 MILLION views, while "Baby" followed with around 805 million. "Baby" enjoyed a TWO-YEAR REIGN as the most-watched video. It had been YouTube's most popular video since July of 2010, when it took the crown from LADY GAGA'S video for "Bad Romance". According to YouTube, "Baby" is still getting between 350,000 and 500,000 views a day, but "Gangnam Style" is crushing that with 7 to 10 MILLION views a day.

LILO JUST GOT $100K TO PAY HER BACK TAXES…FROM CHARLIE SHEEN?
Here's a rare case of CHARLIE SHEEN being the ENABLER, not the enablee. Charlie just gave LINDSAY LOHAN a check for $100,000 to help pay down her IRS debt. She owes $233,904 in unpaid back taxes, so this knocks out about half. Charlie and Lindsay became friends when they were filming cameos in "Scary Movie 5" a few months ago. It's not clear if this is a loan or a gift...

HUGH JACKMAN WASN’T THE FIRST CHOICE TO PLAY WOLVERINE?

BLOSSOM IS SINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE FELLAS!
Last week, right before Thanksgiving, MAYIM BIALIK announced that she and her husband, Michael Stone, are getting divorced after nine years of marriage. Mayim is 36. She and Michael have two sons together, a seven-year-old named Miles and a four-year-old named Fred. Mayim is a HUGE believer in attachment parenting, and wrote a book about it called "Beyond the Sling". She believes in natural births, indefinite breastfeeding, and children sleeping in their parents' bed until they're at least seven years old. She says that parenting style is NOT why she and Michael are divorcing. They cited irreconcilable differences and said, quote, "Relationships are complicated no matter what style of parenting you choose."

COREY FELDMAN COULD BE BACK IN THE FORM OF DONATELLO FROM THE UPCOMING NINJA TURTLES MOVIE?
How could MICHAEL BAY turn this down? Bay is making a new "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie and one KEY voice actor from the first "TMNT" movie has graciously offered to be a part of it. That actor? COREY FELDMAN. In the first and third "TMNT" movies, Corey was the voice of Donatello . . . he's the "nerdy" turtle who creates machines. And he says he's been in communications with Bay but, quote, "I wouldn't say there has been a formal offer."

SCOTT WEILAND SAYS IT’S “A PERFECT TIME” FOR VELVET REVOLVER TO REUNITE!
Newly engaged Scott Weiland will not only be walking down the aisle for a third time soon, he may also be walking back into his frontman role in Velvet Revolver. In an interview with Rolling Stone, the Stone Temple Pilots singer said of the possibility of reuniting with Velvet Revolver, “I am completely open to it, and I know there are other guys in the band that are completely open to it. I think it’s the perfect time for Velvet Revolver to get back together.”

FOR SOME REASON, ANDREW W.K. HAS BEEN NAMED A CULTURAL AMBASSADOR TO THE MIDDLE EAST

EVEN SHINEDOWN IS GETTING IN ON THE CYBER MONDAY ACTION!

THANKS TO ALL THE CRAZIES, BLACK FRIDAY SALES ARE BETTER THAN EVER…
It was a good weekend for the economy as shoppers opened their wallets for both online and in-store purchases. For the first time ever, Black Friday online sales topped $1 billion. According to comScore, Amazon.com was the most-visited retail website on Black Friday, while Wal-Mart’s website was second, followed by Best Buy, Target and Apple’s sites. A survey from the National Retail Federation showed that U.S. retailers' sales over the four-day holiday weekend increased an estimated 12.8 percent. An estimated 139.4 million adults visited U.S. stores and websites from Thanksgiving through Sunday, up from 131 million last year.

IT'S CYBER MONDAY! HERE'S A GOOD DEALS OVERVIEW SITE I FOUND

BUT DON’T WORRY, LOTS OF PEOPLE STILL DID EXTREMELY STUPID STUFF!
This year's Black Friday saw its usual nationwide string of idiocy and violence. A man in Massachusetts went home with the 51-inch TV he'd just bought at K-Mart . . . but WITHOUT his girlfriend's two-year-old son. Shoppers were robbed in South Carolina, Michigan, and Maryland. And in Mississippi, someone dropped a stink bomb of hog pee in a Walmart to try to get other shoppers to leave. And now, a video montage of various people fighting over cell phones this year:

AAAAAAND WALMART WORKERS ACTUALLY KILLED A GUY ON SUNDAY...

SOME A-HOLE NEIGHBOR KILLED A PENSACOLA COUPLE’S PET TURKEY TO COOK HIM FOR THANKSGIVING!
A family in Florida kept a 30-pound pet turkey named Tom on their six-acre property, but last Monday he went missing.  The family found blood and feathers, checked surveillance video, and saw a neighbor and a friend had broken into Tom's pen . . . and SHOT him with a bow and arrow.  Police caught the guys as they were taking Tom to be butchered for Thanksgiving.  The two have been charged with armed burglary and animal cruelty.

HOPING TO WIN THE $425 MIL POWERBALL? HERE ARE 4 THINGS THAT ARE MORE LIKELY TO HAPPEN…
Nobody won the Powerball drawing on Saturday, so the jackpot's up to 425 MILLION. Or $278 million if you take the lump sum. But your chances of winning it are about one in 175 million. Here are four crazy things that are more likely:

#1.) Hitting a Deer in Hawaii. According to a 2011 study by State Farm, it's the state where you're LEAST likely to do it. Obviously you'd have to BE there first, but the odds are about one in 6,000.

#2.) Dying from a Bee Sting. Your chances are about one in six million, and your chances of dying from a LIGHTNING STRIKE are about one in three million. But your chances of just being STRUCK by lightning are a lot higher. If you live to be 80, you have about a one in 10,000 chance of it happening at some point in your life, according to the National Weather Service.

#3.) Getting Attacked by a Shark. Your odds are about one in 11.5 million. But the odds of dying for ANY reason at the beach are about one in two million.

#4.) Making a Hole in One. For an average amateur golfer, the odds are about one in 13,000. Your chances of getting two BACK-TO-BACK holes are about one in 156 million . . . which is STILL slightly better than your odds for winning the Powerball jackpot.

ALL THE ITEMS IN THE ’12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS’ TOP $107K THIS YEAR

SOME KIDS IN ORLANDO FOUND A FREAKIN' GRENADE IN THEIR BACKYARD!

SOME DOUCHE GOT HIMSELF ARRESTED FOR TELLING KIDS SANTA WASN’T REAL!
Normally if you tell a bunch of kids Santa isn't real, you're just kind of an a-hole. You're not a CRIMINAL. Apparently, Canada is trying to change that. Last week, a 24-year-old man was at a Christmas parade in Kingston, Ontario, Canada and he was drunk. As a float went down the street with Santa on board, the man shouted at a bunch of kids that SANTA WASN'T REAL. And someone called the cops. The man was TECHNICALLY arrested for public intoxication and violating his probation but we all know he was REALLY arrested for telling kids Santa isn't real. A police officer said the man's hair was gelled to, quote, "look like a set of devil horns" and that he's, quote, "pretty despicable [to] tell kids Santa isn't real."

DON’T FORGET, YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO SPREAD THE HOLIDAY TIPS JUST LIKE CHEER THIS YEAR…

SOME CAPTAIN OBVIOUS RESEARCHERS FOUND THAT WE EVENTUALLY HATE THE INEVITABLE HOLIDAY MUSIC…
Researchers have confirmed what you probably already knew about listening to holiday music. According to studies by the University of London, there is an upside-down U-shaped relationship between the number of times we hear a holiday song . . . and our enjoyment level. That means that when we first start hearing holiday songs again, at this time of year, we LIKE it.  It brings back memories and gets us excited about Christmas.  And the more we hear Christmas music, the MORE excited we get and the more we like it. But then, our enjoyment level reaches a peak . . . and we've heard enough.  After that, our enjoyment level drops off . . . QUICKLY. Since we hear the music EVERYWHERE we go, it causes us to get bored . . . and then annoyed.  And since the holidays are usually a stressful time for people, it causes us to get annoyed even FASTER.

TWINKIE LOVERS LINED UP TO STOCK UP AS HOSTESS CLOSED UP SHOP THIS WEEKEND :(

THE STATE OF FLORIDA IS HANDING OUT GIFT CARDS TO CHICKS WILLING TO SPILL THEIR SEXUAL SECRETS!

SPOILER ALERT: WANNA KNOW THE TIME OF DAY YOU’RE GONNA DIE?
Not sure you want to know this but, SPOILER ALERT . . . we can tell you the time of day when you're going to DIE. Assuming you don't die prematurely in a car accident or underneath a pile of 48 women in an orgy, researchers in Boston have figured out your approximate time of death. If you consider yourself a morning person, or your sleep is regular and you're not a morning or night person, you're most likely to die late in the morning, just before 11:00 A.M. If you're a night person, you're most likely to die just before 6:00 P.M. The times of death are tied to the genes that make you a morning or night person. The researchers think those genes could also be tied to how your body handles things like strokes or cancer . . . and when your body's natural rhythms make you most susceptible to diseases.

A LADY WITH 38 DD’S TRIED TO KILL HER MAN WITH ‘EM!
Back in May, Tim Schmidt of Unna, Germany was having sex with his girlfriend, 33-year-old Franziska Hansen. Franziska is about 126 pounds and has 38-double-D breasts. As they were having sex, Franziska grabbed Tim's head and shoved it between her breasts. She told him it was a SEX GAME. But Tim says, quote, "I couldn't breathe anymore. I must've turned blue." He had about 60 pounds on Franziska, so he was able to get free. He asked her what she was doing, and she told him she was trying to KILL HIM but, quote, "I wanted your death to be as pleasurable as possible." Tim and Franziska had been together for about four years, but had been going through problems: He'd taken a new job as a lawyer, she moved with him, but couldn't find a job in their new town. Now she's on trial for attempted murder with a weapon. Yes, in this case, her large breasts count as weapons!

NFL ROUNDUP & TURKEY DAY RECAP!
A veritable buffet of big plays were served up on Thanksgiving as the New England Patriots, Washington Redskins and Houston Texans stuffed themselves with tasty touchdowns that led to mouth-watering victories. The Patriots devoured their AFC East rival New York Jets 49-19, scoring on three touchdown passes and two fumble returns to pile up a 35-0 halftime lead. In the second half they added two short touchdown runs to pretty much cook any chance the Jets might have had of making a playoff run. In Dallas, the Redskins feasted on their NFC East rival Cowboys 38-31, taking advantage of three Dallas turnovers and four Robert Griffin III touchdown tosses to spoil the Boys’ home-cooked meal. And the Texans ate up the Detroit Lions 34-31 in overtime thanks to a Shayne Graham 32-yard field goal. All four NFC division leaders put more distance between themselves and their closest competition on Sunday, bringing their respective playoff pictures into sharper focus. The New York Giants (6-4) crushed the Green Bay Packers (7-3) 38-10 on Sunday Night Football; the Atlanta Falcons (10-1) took another step towards securing home-field advantage throughout the playoffs after hanging on for a slim 24-23 triumph over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-5); the Chicago Bears (8-3) welcomed starting quarterback Jay Cutler back to the lineup but treated their guests the Minnesota Vikings (6-5) rudely, easily beating them 28-10; and the San Francisco 49ers (8-2-1) went into New Orleans and came away with a 31-21 victory over the Saints (5-6). The Denver Broncos and Baltimore Ravens both took significant steps towards leaving their respective division challengers in their dust after sewing up workmanlike wins on Sunday. Peyton Manning passed for 285 yards and two touchdowns to steer the 8-3 Broncos to a 17-9 victory over the 1-10 Kansas City Chiefs, while Justin Tucker’s 38-yard field goal with just 1:07 left in overtime bolted Baltimore (9-2) past the San Diego Chargers (4-7) 16-13. Additional AFC scores of interest include the surprising 7-4 Indianapolis Colts holding off the 4-7 Buffalo Bills 20-13, the 6-5 Pittsburgh Steelers coming up short against the 3-8 Cleveland Browns 20-14, and the 6-5 Cincinnati Bengals sending the inept 3-8 Oakland Raiders to their latest defeat 34-10. Here is the complete NFL scoreboard.

2 SEAHAWKS D-BACKS ARE FACING BANS FOR P.E.D.’S
Seattle Seahawks starting cornerbacks Richard Sherman and Brandon Browner are both staring four-game suspensions in the face for allegedly violating the NFL’s performance-enhancing drug policy, according to league sources. Both players tested positive and are appealing their suspensions. If Sherman and Browner are banned, Seattle would start veteran Marcus Trufant and three-year man Walter Thurmond next Sunday in Chicago against the Bears.

AS IF THE DOLPHINS DIDN’T HAVE IT BAD ENOUGH THE FRICKIN’ SPRINKLERS KICKED ON DURING THE GAME ON SUNDAY…

HOLIDAY DOUBLE-TIME PAYOFF! THE SPURS OWNED THE RAPTORS IN DOUBLE-OT
The NBA capped the long Thanksgiving weekend by serving up a last-call six-pack of shots on Sunday, headlined by the San Antonio Spurs and Toronto Raptors going into double overtime before the Spurs put away the Raptors 11-106. Tony Parker poured in 32 points and Tim Duncan added 26. Elsewhere, the New York Knicks pummeled the Detroit Pistons 121-100 to run their record to 9-3; the Brooklyn Nets easily topped the Portland Trail Blazers 98-85; the Philadelphia 76ers eclipsed the Phoenix Suns 104-101; the Denver Nuggets cruised by the New Orleans Hornets 102-84; and the Boston Celtics took down the Orlando Magic 116-110 in overtime.

OH SNAP! AUBURN'S COACH CHIZIK AXED TWO YEARS AFTER WINNING TITLE
The powers that be at Auburn University clearly have no patience when it comes to the amount of football losses they’ll tolerate before firing the school’s head coach. On Sunday, coach Gene Chizik was handed his walking papers a mere two years after leading the Tigers to a national championship. Auburn finished the season 3-9, going winless in the SEC and losing the most games in school history since posting an 0-10 record in 1950. Just 17 months ago, Auburn inked Chizik to a contract worth around $3.5 million per season through 2015.

DID YOU SEE THE COLTS CHEERLEADERS SHAVE THEIR HEADS FOR CHARITY? PRETTY COOL

AFTER A PRETTY TAME HOLIDAY WEEKEND, HERE’S THE LATEST BCS TOP 25
Top-ranked Notre Dame completed an undefeated season on Saturday after dumping USC 22-13 to finished 12-0 and stay at No. 1 in the BCS Standings. Barring a bizarre computer glitch, the Fighting Irish will play the winner of the SEC Championship Game between No. 2 Alabama and No. 3 Georgia in the Discovery BCS National Championship Game. Rounding out the top 10 are Florida, Oregon, Kansas State, LSU, Stanford, Texas A&M and South Carolina.

AS A GATOR FAN, I CAN ONLY JUST SAY THIS IS TOTALLY AWESOME…
Sometimes Florida State just can't help but be Florida State. On Saturday, the TV cameras at the Florida-Florida State game got a shot of a Florida State fan who clearly put on her facepaint using a mirror. And we know that because she tried to write "FSU" on her cheeks . . . only she forgot she was doing it in a mirror so the letters came out reversed.

ELMO HAS OFFICIALLY LEFT THE BUILDING…
Elmo puppeteer KEVIN CLASH resigned yesterday, after a SECOND man accused him of having a sexual relationship with him when he was underage. The new accuser is suing Clash for $5 million. He says the relationship occurred when he was 15, and while it didn't include actual intercourse, there was definitely sexual activity. He also says they hooked up and DID have sex years later, when he was an adult.

JESSE JAMES IS ENGAGED TO THE HEIRESS OF THE PAUL MITCHELL FORTUNE? WELL PLAYED DOUCHE
Jesse James has somehow found a woman who’ll trust him.  Hollyscoop reports that Sandra Bullock’s cheating ex is dating racer Alexis DeJoria, daughter of billionaire John Paul DeJoria, co-founder of hair care giant Paul Mitchell.  According to reports, Jesse and Alexis have been dating since September, and Hollyscoop says they may even be engaged.  Although neither has confirmed the news, DeJoria didn’t exactly deny it when a Twitter follower wrote, “I used to admire you now I feel sorry for you. Moving in and getting engaged to a guy you've been dating for a month."  Instead she responded, “Am I supposed to wait till I'm married to sleep with a man too?! Lol! You've been brainwashed into what society says is right."

OH SNAP, DANIKA PATRICK’S GETTING A DIVORCE!

KIM KARDASHIAN…PUTTING THE ASS IN AMBASSADOR!
KIM KARDASHIAN is about to embark on a tour of Kuwait and Bahrain. She's going there to promote the openings of Millions of Milkshake shops in the two countries. But while she's there, she has a higher purpose in mind. Kim recently got into trouble on Twitter, when she tried to post messages of prayer for the Israelis and the Palestinians. So she's using this trip to get SMART. A source says, quote, "Kim wants to be as informed as possible . . . so she can use her celebrity to help those in need and raise awareness about important issues in the area." She has supposedly set up meetings with "local leaders" in both countries.

NICKI MINAJ HAD A NIP SLIP…AGAIN!

YES OR NO? MADONNA’S NAUGHTY BITS JUST ABOUT POPPED OUT OF HER LINGERIE ON STAGE
It's time once again to play YES OR NO? the game in which we give you a picture or pictures and you tell us if we're looking at something DELICIOUS or DISGUSTING. Today's subject is 54-year-old MADONNA, wearing something most 54-year-olds should NOT wear. Then again, Madonna doesn't look like most 54-year-olds, so maybe she deserves a pass. As usual, the choice is yours.
During her gig in Miami on Monday night, Madonna wore her usual, slutty lingerie. But this time, something was different. The front of the costume looked particularly inadequate around the CROTCHAL REGION. And it appeared that the audience was dangerously close to seeing her MOST HOLY OF AREAS.

ON DEMI & ASHTON’S 1 YEAR DIVORCE ANNIVERSARY, KUTCHER IS SUCKING FACE WITH KUNIS!

ANDERSON COOPER’S UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE YEAR: “WHOA, THAT WAS A RATHER LARGE EXPLOSION”

MEANWHILE, A.C. MANAGED TO BURN SOME LADY ON TWITTER!

“MACHO” CAMACHO IS IN CRITICAL CONDITION AFTER BEING SHOT IN THE JAW!

Boxing legend HECTOR "MACHO" CAMACHO is in critical condition after being SHOT IN THE JAW in Puerto Rico. Camacho was in a car with a friend when someone opened fire on them. The other man died. The bullet that hit Camacho's jaw exited his head and then re-entered his body through his shoulder and cracked two vertebrae. Amazingly, his rep says he's expected to survive.

SYFY IS CREATING SOME BADASS SOUNDING ROBOT SHOW! 
If you're a big fan of ROBOT BATTLES like the movie "Real Steel" and the old shows "Robot Wars" and "Battle Bots" this should be right up your alley. Syfy is developing a show called "Robot Combat League", where eight-foot-tall, 1,000-pound, state-of-the-art humanoid robots will duke it out in a boxing cage kind of like a real life version of the coolest game ever, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots! WWE wrestler CHRIS JERICHO will be the host. Here's how it will work: There will be 12 teams of two people each . . . a "fighter" and a robotics engineer. Each team will have their own unique robot to control. By the way, one of the "fighters" will be MMA superstar AMANDA LUCAS, the daughter of "Star Wars" creator GEORGE LUCAS. Each fight will consist of three rounds, and the winning team will advance. The OVERALL winners will get a $100,000 grand prize. Chris Jericho will set-up each fight, and will provide play-by-play commentary throughout.

NOW THIS IS PUPPY LOVE…FIONA APPLE JUST CANCELLED HER ENTIRE SOUTH AMERICAN TOUR TO BE WITH HER AILING DOG!
FIONA APPLE is canceling her South American tour, to be with her dying . . . DOG. In a fourpage, handwritten letter she posted on Facebook, she says, "I just can't leave her now, please understand. If I go away again, I'm afraid she'll die and I won't have the honor of singing her to sleep, of escorting her out."

LENNY KRAVITZ IS GONNA PLAY MARVIN GAYE!
Retro rocker and part-time actor Lenny Kravitz has been chosen to portray Motown legend Marvin Gaye in a forthcoming film focusing on the final few years of the singer’s life. The movie will be directed by Julien Temple, who helmed the Sex Pistols film The Great Rock N’ Roll Swindle. This will be Kravitz’s first leading role, having previously appeared in The Hunger Games in a small role. Marvin Gaye was shot to death by his own father on March 31, 1984 in Los Angeles.

FLAMING LIPS SINGER WAYNE COYNE TRIED TO BRING HIS GRENADE ON A PLANE…SHOCKINGLY TSA HAD A PROBLEM WITH THAT
It's not clear why this didn't make the news until yesterday, but on November 10th, FLAMING LIPS singer WAYNE COYNE was responsible for the shutting down of Will Rogers Airport in Oklahoma City. Why? Because there was a GRENADE in his carry-on luggage. It wasn't live, and Coyne said he didn't mean to pack it in his carry-on bag. Someone gave it to him at a party as a joke. But the TSA still had to shut everything down until they could determine it was harmless. Then, despite the chaos he caused, they let Coyne go. He later Tweeted, quote, "Sorry Sorry Sorry!! Everyone that was inconvenienced because of my grenade at OKC airport!!"

WHAT’S THE BIGGEST CALORIE BOMB ON YOUR THANKSGIVING TABLE & OTHER RANDOM TURKEY DAY FACTS!

AND NOW, THE 10 HOTTEST BLACK FRIDAY DEALS AT THE BIG BOX STORES…

IF YOU’RE TRAVELING THIS THANKSGIVING, THIS IS THE IDEAL AIRLINE PASSENGER TO SIT NEXT TO!
If you’re traveling this Thanksgiving, better hope you get seated next to this guy.  According to a survey of flight attendants, the ideal airline passenger is a European male thirty-something traveling alone for pleasure (not business).  Interestingly, flight crews also said they prefer working in economy over first class, where passengers are perhaps less demanding and more polite.   So what makes being a flight attendant suck?  The most common complaints were passengers who snap their fingers to get an attendant’s attention, trying to cram too much stuff into the overhead bins and not obeying the seatbelt sign.

HERE ARE 8 BLACK FRIDAY MISTAKES YOU JUST CAN’T AFFORD TO MAKE!

STUDY: 68% OF CLOSETED GAYS WILL BE COMING OUT FOR THANKSGIVING?
Always kinda suspected your son might be gay, but he's never officially told you?  That announcement could be coming soon.  Soon as in TOMORROW.  So this Thanksgiving, you won't just have to be tolerant of mediocre cooking. According to a survey by a gay dating website called GayDating.com, 68% of gay men who are still in the closet say they're planning to come out to their families THIS WEEKEND. And here's how it's going to happen.  55% plan to come out during Thanksgiving dinner . . . 35% are going to wait for the right moment to say it over the long weekend . . . and 10% will bring their boyfriend to Thanksgiving dinner. A spokesman says, quote, "The family atmosphere at Thanksgiving is very warm and loving, and many closeted gay men feel left out because they cannot be themselves or share the holiday with their partners or boyfriends."

SO, WHY ARE SHOPPERS GIVING IN TO THE ‘BLACK FRIDAY CREEP’ ANYWAY?

HELP THIS KID IN SANFORD FEED 200 CENTRAL FLORIDA FAMILIES!

PSSST, HERE’S THE SECRET TO THE PERFECT ROASTED TURKEY...

HOW YOU GONNA CALL THE COPS ON THE SALVATION ARMY BELL RINGER? C’MON LADY
Yesterday morning, Sarah Hamilton-Parker of Portsmouth, New Hampshire called the cops on a SALVATION ARMY BELL RINGER. Because she said he was making too much noise. Ya know, while he was out in the cold trying to raise money for charity. Sarah works at a store in downtown Portsmouth. The store is VERY lucky that the local press didn't report its name. She says, quote, "I listen to this [bell ringing] for 200 hours a year. This is my fourth year and I can't take it anymore. I'm so sick of it. I don't get a break. It makes my blood pressure go sky high. It makes me hate Christmas." The police captain says the Salvation Army gets official government permission to ring their bells downtown to collect for charity. So the bell ringers are allowed to stand where they're standing and ring their bells as much as they want. Sarah says she's thinking about putting together a petition to circulate around to the other downtown businesses to get the bell ringer kicked out.

A NEW MEASURE WAS JUST FILED TO BAN TEXTING WHILE DRIVING IN FLORIDA!

SOME DUMBASS UP IN GAINESVILLE SLAPPED A COP HORSE…

10 NEW WORDS ARE BEING ADDED TO THE DICTIONARY THIS YEAR…
The Oxford Dictionary Online adds new words every three months and the list that they're adding in the last quarter of this year is heavy on slang terms and technical jargon. Here are 10 of the newest words in the dictionary:

#1.) 4G: It stands for "fourth generation" and is a standard for cell-phone coverage that is better than 3G.
#2.) LTE: It's an abbreviation for "Long Term Evolution"
#3.) Dance-off: A competition between two or more dancers to see which one is eliminated usually from a reality show.
#4.) Deets: An extremely annoying abbreviation of the word "details" . . . as in, quote, "How was the first date? Give me all the deets."
#5.) Boyf: According to the dictionary people, it's an abbreviation of "boyfriend".
#6.) First-world problems: This was popular on Twitter for awhile. People would list problems that are minor compared to starvation and war . . . like not being able to get cell phone reception while sitting courtside at a game.
#7.) Veepstakes: This is one of those terms invented by newspaper writers and talking heads on TV and isn't actually used in normal conversation. It's the race to be chosen as a vice-presidential candidate.
#8.) Stressy: It's the way someone acts when they're under a lot of stress as in, "She always gets stressy when she's about to break up with a guy."
#9.) Forumite: This is someone who posts a lot in an Internet forum.
#10.) Big data: This is the industry that collects and analyzes data . . . kind of like "big tobacco", only with computer nerds.

SURVEY SAYS: 37% OF ADULTS STILL BELIEVE IN SANTA?
Are there REALLY adults out there who still believe in Santa Claus?  Or are they SAYING they believe in Santa because he represents the spirit of Christmas? Either way, according to a new survey, 37% of ADULTS say they believe in Santa Claus. That's 44% of women and 30% of men who say they believe.  Broken down by religion, 47% of Catholics say they believe in Santa . . . 38% of Protestants . . . and in the most random finding of all, 12% of Jews. In the same survey last year, only 30% of people said they believe in Santa Claus.

BOTOX FOR BABIES?

EVER GET FRUSTRATED TRYING TO GET INTO THAT “CLAMSHELL” PACKAGING? SON OF A BITCH THAT’S ANNOYING

THIS NEWARK MAYOR IS ABOUT TO LIVE ON FOOD STAMPS TO PROVE A POINT!

SHE DON’T EAT MEAT, BUT SHE SURE LIKED THE BONE!
Two months ago, a 37-year-old woman in Gothenburg, Sweden was arrested for HAVING SEX WITH A HUMAN SKELETON. The woman would film herself having sex with the skeleton, AND using the bones as LOVE TOYS.  Some of the movies featured her LICKING the skull, and had labels on them like "My necrophilia" or "My first experience." Apparently she bought the bones from someone online.  The only reason the cops caught her is because someone reported hearing a gunshot from her apartment.  It was a false alarm, but when they got inside they found the skeleton. The court ordered a psych evaluation . . . which found the woman TOTALLY SANE.  And yesterday she was charged with violating the peace of the dead.  That carries a maximum sentence of two years in prison.

THE STEELERS ARE GIVING PLAXICO BURRESS ANOTHER SHOT…GET IT?
The Pittsburgh Steelers gave their injured receiver corps a shot in the arm on Tuesday by resigning wide receiver Plaxico Burress. The 35-year, who spent his first five seasons with Pittsburgh before signing a free agent deal with the New York Giants, said, “I’m very excited to be back in the black and gold where it all started.” If Burress is to catch a pass in his first game back this Sunday against the Cleveland Browns, it will come from the arm of third string quarterback Charlie Batch, who will start in place of the injured Byron Leftwich, who started last week for the banged up Ben Roethlisberger. Leftwich won’t play on Sunday because of a fractured rib he sustained against the Ravens.

ED REED’S SUSPENSION HAS BEEN LIFTED IN LIEU OF A $50K FINE???
Baltimore Ravens safety Ed Reed on Tuesday won his appeal of a one-game suspension for his third helmet-to-helmet hit in as many seasons, though the league did fine him $50,000. The All-Pro’s successful appeal clears the way for him to play this Sunday in San Diego against the Chargers. Reed would have lost $423,529 in pay had his suspension not been overturned.

2 TEAMS HAVE BOLTED FROM THE BIG EAST!
Once considered incapable of competing with, let alone beating, some of the big boys in college football, Rutgers University has decided to leave the Big East for the Big Ten. The school will make its decision official during a press conference scheduled for Tuesday on its campus in Piscataway, NJ. In 2002, the Scarlet Knights finished with an embarrassing record of just 1-11, but since then, they have made six bowl appearances in the past seven years. This year they sit at 8-2 and in position to win its first Big East championship.

NBA ROUNDUP: L.A., BROOKLYN BATTLE IN HOLLYWOOD; LAKERS PREVAIL
Despite going an inexcusable 19-for-37 from the charity stripe, the Los Angeles Lakers managed to beat the Brooklyn Nets 95-90 on new L.A. coach Mike D’Antoni’s debut on the sidelines at the Staples Center. Dwight Howard made just 7 of his 19 free throw attempts but finished with 23 points and 15 big rebounds, while Kobe Bryant led the Lakers with 25 and Pau Gasol and Metta World Peace scored 17 apiece. The Lakers are now over the .500 mark (6-5) for the first time this season. Elsewhere in the NBA, the New York Knicks moved to 8-1 with a 102-80 pounding of the New Orleans Hornets, and the Philadelphia 76ers picked up their third straight win, beating the Toronto Raptors 106-98.

M-M-M-MY KURODA! THE YANKEES ARE KEEPING HIROKI FOR THEMSELVES
The New York Yankees and right-handed starting pitcher Hiroki Kuroda on Tuesday agreed on a one-year deal worth $15 million that will ensure the Japanese hurler will be back in the Big Apple for the 2013 season. The 37-year old put together a record of 16-11 with a 3.32 ERA in his first year in the American League after spending the previous four years with the Los Angeles Dodgers.

NO. 1 INDIANA SURVIVES GEORGETOWN IN OT
Top-ranked Indiana (5-0) got quite a scare from Georgetown (3-1) on Tuesday before finally putting the hustling Hoyas away for good 82-72 in overtime to win the Legends Classic tournament in New York. Elsewhere in college hoops, No. 7 Florida sank Savannah State 58-40; No. 9 North Carolina was beaten by Butler 82-71; No. 11 UCLA edged Georgia 60-56; No. 12 Kansas sailed past St. Louis 73-59; No. 14 Creighton crushed Longwood 105-57; No. 15 Michigan State barely beat Boise State 74-70; and No. 22 Cincinnati made soup out of Campbell 91-72.