Should we TASER RICH?!?!
JIMMY KIMMEL PLAYED ROASTMASTER AT THE WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDANT’S DINNER THIS WEEKEND!
Jimmy Kimmel was the roast-master at Saturday's annual White House Correspondents' Association Dinner. President Obama opened the event by saying, "Last year...on this very weekend, we finally delivered justice to one of the world's most notorious individuals." Instead of Osama bin Laden, the audience was flashed a picture of Donald Trump to set the tone for the evening. The president also got in digs at Republicans, Mitt Romney and the Secret Service before passing the mic to Kimmel. Kimmel skewered the attending mix of top-name journalists, Republicans, Democrats, and A-list celebs, including Kim Kardashian and Lindsay Lohan. Kimmel warned the president, "When you took office, the Kardashians had one reality show. Now they have four. This is not a good trend." Other celebs in attendance include George Clooney, Charlize Theron, Steven Spielberg, Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Reese Witherspoon, Daniel Day-Lewis, Martha Stewart, Diane Keaton, Rashida Jones, John Legend, Stevie Wonder, Pierce Brosnan, Kate Hudson and her mom Goldie Hawn, Claire Danes, Diane Keaton, Kelly Ripa, and Uggie, the dog from The Artist.
HERE ARE THE TOP 10 JOKES OF THE NIGHT!
Kimmel: "If you told me when I was a kid I would be standing on a dais with President Barack Obama, I would have said, 'The president's name is Barack Obama?'"
Obama: "Four years ago, I was locked in a brutal primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Four years later she won't stop drunk-texting me from Cartegana."
Kimmel to Obama: "Remember when the country rallied around you in hope for a better tomorrow? That was a good one."
Obama on Romney: "We both have degrees from Harvard. I have one, he has two. What a snob."
Kimmel on Obama's thinness: "This is how you know the country's in bad shape. The president is starving. North Korea is sending him food aid."
Obama: "Last year at this time, this very weekend, we finally delivered justice to one of the world's most notorious individuals, (photo of Donald Trump)."
Kimmel: "There's a term for guys like the President. Probably not two terms."
Obama: "What is the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? A pitbull is delicious."
Kimmel: "The president wanted to move it to the Kennedy Center, and the Republicans wanted to keep it at the Hilton. So, they compromised and here we are at the Hilton."
Obama: "Here we are in this vast magnificent Hilton ballroom, what Mitt Romney would call a fixer upper."
GEORGE ZIMMERMAN AND HIS ATTORNEY STARTED A NEW WEBSITE THIS WEEKEND…
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT’S BEEN 20 YEARS SINCE THE RODNEY KING RIOTS?!
Los Angeles remembered the 20th anniversary of the riots that exploded around the city in the wake of the Rodney King verdict yesterday. King was beaten by Los Angeles Police on March 3rd, 1991, while a bystander captured the incident on video. Although the video clearly captured King being beaten by police, the four cops were, sparking riots that caused death and destruction around the city. By the time it was all over, 53 people were killed in what policed termed as riot-related homicides and accidents, more than 2,300 people were hurt, nearly 1,600 buildings were destroyed or damaged and it cost more than a billion dollars, including $735 million in property damage.
SOME AUSSIE DUDE WITH WAY TOO MUCH MONEY IS BUILDING TITANIC II
A CAR THAT GETS 353 MPG? SO EASY, SOME MIDDLE SCHOOL STUDENTS JUST DID IT
IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN, THE WORLD TESTICLE COOKING CHAMPIONSHIPS ARE UNDER WAY!
It's that time of year ... time for the annual World Testicle Cooking Championships in England. This year, the contest features recipes that include bull, boar, camel, ostrich and even kangaroo testicles. The founder of the contest has dedicated this year's event to Kate Middleton and Prince William -- who have yet to RSVP.
A LIMBLESS FRENCHMAN IS ATTEMPTING TO SWIM AROUND THE WORLD? UMMMMMMMMM
ARE YOU GETTING ENOUGH SLEEP? US NEITHER
Feel like you don’t get enough sleep? You’re not alone. According to a new government study, nearly one-third of U.S. workers aren’t getting a healthy amount of snooze time. Overall, 30 percent of employed American adults reported getting less than six hours a night. The recommended amount of sleep is seven to nine hours. This lack of sleep among workers can lead to poor job performance, especially for people who work the night shift. The manufacturing industry fared the worst in this study, with 34.1 percent of its workers reporting not getting enough sleep.
FINALLY, A REALITY SHOW WORTH A DAMN…”MUSTANG RANCH: LABOR OF LOVE”
SOME LADY’S “LUNG CANCER” TURNED OUT TO BE NOTHING MORE THAN A PEACH PIT
In Seminole Heights, Florida, a woman coughed up a fruit pit that had been lodged in her lung for 28 years! Blanca Riveron, 62, had been suffering a debilitating cough and had trouble breathing since 1984, and this past December doctors believed they had spotted a cancerous mass on her lung. But just a few weeks later, Riveron coughed violently and the pit from the nispero fruit flew out. Her cough has all but disappeared now! And her life is no longer the pits. Meanwhile, William Lawlis Pace of Texas took a bullet to the brain at 8 years old and died…95 years later at age 103. He passed away last Monday and holds the Guinness World Record for living the longest with a bullet in his head. He was accidentally shot by his brother in October 1917, but doctors left the bullet in place, fearing he wouldn’t survive surgery to remove it. Pace went on to enjoy a normal life, from playing baseball and basketball as a kid, to enjoying a 71-year marriage that produced two sons. He lead a great life!
HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN DENIED SEX!
Hell hath no fury like a woman denied sex. A 34-year-old in Florida attacked her boyfriend last week after he declined to do the nasty with her. Apparently, both Stacey Ann Ortiz and her boyfriend had been drinking at a friend’s home and came back to go to bed. She wanted to have sex, but he just wanted to watch TV. She allegedly started attacking him after he refused her advances several times and he had to run outside in his underwear to get away from her. Ortiz also claimed her boyfriend head-butted her. Man, he must have really not been in the mood!
YOU’VE HEARD OF BEING DRUNK ON POWER, BUT GEEKED OUT?
NBA PLAYOFF ROUND-UP: DERRICK ROSE TORE HIS ACL AND IS OUT FOR THE SEASON!
The NBA Playoffs got started over the weekend with a last-minute, game-winning shot by Kevin Durant, an incredible comeback by the Los Angeles Clippers and major blow to the Chicago Bulls and their fans. Although the Bulls won Game One over the Philadelphia 76ers, they lost their star player Derrick Rose. With less than two minutes remaining in Saturday's game, and the Bulls up by 12, Rose suffered a torn ACL that will require surgery and leave him out for the remainder of the playoffs. In Saturday's other games...The Oklahoma City Thunder beat the defending champion Dallas Mavericks, 99-98, on Kevin Durant's last-minute shot. The Miami Heat embarrassed the Jeremy Lin-less New York Knicks, 100-67, as LeBron James racked up 32 points. Even without the injured Dwight Howard, the Orlando Magic held off the Indiana Pacers, 81-77. In yesterday's games...The San Antonio Spurs beat the Utah Jazz, 106-91, thanks to Tony Parker's 28 points and eight assists.The Los Angeles Lakers crushed the Denver Nuggets, 103-88, with Andrew Bynum tying the NBA playoff record for blocked shots with 10 and Kobe Bryant scoring 31 points. The Atlanta Hawks defeated the Boston Celtics, 83-74, with Josh Smith scoring 22 for the Hawks and the Celtics Rajon Rondo tossed from the game with 41 seconds left for bumping a ref. In the weekend's final game, the Los Angeles Clippers were down by as many as 27 points to the Memphis Grizzlies, but then mounted perhaps the greatest comeback in NBA playoff history, taking the lead in the final minutes to win, 99-98.
NHL Playoff Roundup
Danny Briere scored at the 4:36 mark of overtime to give the Philadelphia Flyers a 4-3 victory over the New Jersey Devils Sunday. The Flyers now lead the series 1-0. Also on Sunday, the Phoenix Coyotes beat the Nashville Predators 5-3 to take a 2-0 series lead. On Saturday, the New York Rangers opened their series against Washington Capitals with a 3-1 win, and the Los Angeles Kings beat the St Louis Blues 3-1 in that series' opener.
Kyle Busch Wins 4th Straight Spring Race at Richmond
Kyle Busch won his fourth straight Sprint Cup Spring race at Richmond Saturday night, but it wasn't without some controversy. Carl Edwards was black-flagged with 81 laps left after some confusion about whether he or Tony Stewart was the leader after a caution. NASCAR officials said Stewart was, and penalized Edwards for restarting too early. Then with 13 laps left, a caution for a plastic bottle on the track - one that Stewart felt wasn't a hindrance - erased his lead and put Busch in position to win the race. His string of four straight Spring wins at the track is a new record; Richard Petty won three straight races there from 1971-73.
MLB: AROUND THE HORN
The Texas Rangers' Josh Hamilton, the AL leader in home runs, RBI, total bases and slugging percentage, left Sunday night's 5-2 loss to the Tampa Bay Rays with stiffness in his back. He's listed as day-to-day. Derek Lowe allowed only 3 hits in 7+ innings and his Cleveland Indians scored 3 runs on errors to beat the Los Angeles Angels 4-0. Matt Garza gave up 1 hit in 7 innings to lead the Cubs past the Phillies 5-1. The Los Angeles Dodgers beat the Washington Nationals 2-0 Sunday to complete a three game sweep. The Baltimore Orioles scored 5 in the bottom of the ninth inning - including Wilson Betemit's 3 run, walk-off home run - to beat the Oakland A's 5-2. CC Sabathia allowed 2 runs in 8 innings to lead the New York Yankees past the Detroit Tigers 6-2.
IN CAPTAIN OBVIOUS NEWS: MEL GIBSON ADMITS TO JAY LENO THAT HE HAS A “ BIT OF A TEMPER”
Mel Gibson is laughing off his most recent leaked rant. The actor appeared on The Tonight Show Friday and told Jay, "You know, I love coming to [your show] because when I get here and you tape me, you let me know you're going to do that up front!" Mel made headlines recently when screenwriter Joe Eszterhas accused him of being anti-Semitic and released tapes of the star flipping out. He admitted to Jay that he had been "peeved" at Joe over the delay of the script for The Maccabees. Mel added, "You know, maybe you don't know this about me, but I've got a little bit of a temper."
BOX OFFICE REPORT: THINK LIKE A MAN CLEANS UP!
Think Like a Man topped the domestic box office for a second straight weekend with $18 million. The ensemble comedy has now earned $60.9 million. The rest of the Top 5 was separated by only $200,000.
The Pirates! Band of Misfits opened in second with $11.4 million.
The Zac Efron romance The Lucky One was third with $11.3 million.
The Hunger Games was fourth with $11.3 million. The blockbuster has made $372.5 million and has climbed to number-17 on the all-time list.
The Five-Year Engagement debuted in fifth with $11.2 million.
Safe and The Raven finished at sixth and seventh, respectively.
The Avengers hasn't opened in the U.S. yet, but it's already a blockbuster. Since opening overseas on Wednesday, the superhero flick has grossed a combined $178.4 million. The Avengers opens here on Friday.
BEHOLD! THE MOST STYLISH GUYS IN HOLLYWOOD MAKING YOU LOOK BAD
GQ has a new list out called "30 Under 30: The Most Stylish Young Men in Hollywood." Here are the Top 10:
10. Ed Westwick
9. Justin Bieber
8. Andrew Garfield (The Social Network)
7. Donald Glover (Community)
6. Nick Jonas
5. Armie Hammer (Mirror Mirror, The Social Network)
4. Joe Jonas
3. Jack Huston (Boardwalk Empire)
2. Daniel Radcliffe
1. Darren Criss (Living.MSN.com)
GASP! SOME DUDE FROM THE HUNGER GAMES USED A FAKE ID TO BUY BOOZE
Actor Josh Hutcherson has gone from the Hunger Games to underage drinking games. The 19-year-old was caught tricking a grocery store into selling him an expensive bottle of whiskey by using a fake ID. TMZ obtained a photo of the Hunger Games star leaving Ralph's Grocery store in Sherman Oaks, California earlier this month with a bottle of Macallan whiskey in hand -- which, they say, goes for $170. Interestingly, a few weeks ago, Josh told the gossip blog, "I think the age to go to war is 18...so I think the drinking age should be 18 as well."
IT MUST SUCK TO BE AS BIG AS DEMI LOVATO, GEEZ!
Demi Lovato lost a few chunks of hair after fans went nuts mobbing her at the airport in Argentina. A fan tweeted a photo of a handful of hair, with the caption (translated from Spanish), "can not believe I have Demi Lovato's hair is perfect fdfcfdldf am in shock." The incident follows a similar situation in Venezuela, in which fans pulled Lovato's hair despite her having a slew of bodyguards to keep her safe. What is with the hair pulling?
THE NUGE IS APOLOGIZING…WOW
Ted Nugent is insulted that his comments about President Obama led to him being kicked off a June date of his Midwest Rock n' Roll Express tour with Styx and REO Speedwagon in Fort Knox, Kentucky -- and he's making his feelings about it known. He says, "To think that there's a bureaucrat in the United States Army that would consider the use or abuse of First Amendment rights in determining who is going to perform at an Army base is an insult and defiles the sacrifices of those heroes who fought for the U.S. Constitution, Bill of Rights." Nugent starts the Midwest Rock n' Roll Express tour tomorrow night in Hidalgo, Texas. And that's not the only hot water Nugent is in. He is apologizing -- mostly -- for transporting a black bear he illegally killed in 2009 in Alaska. His website has a lengthy note titled, "Ignorance of the Law Is No Excuse." In it, he writes, "To the best of my knowledge, I am the only person ever charged with violating this new, unheard-of law. Lifetime Alaska hunters, guides, outfitters, even the resident judge at my hearing were unaware of such an unprecedented regulation... Had I known of that requirement, I would not have hunted that region...and I certainly would not have hunted another bear... While I have never intentionally violated a hunting regulation, ignorance of the law is no excuse, and I am truly sorry, and have paid dearly. There is even less of an excuse for ignorant laws." Nugent was ordered to pay a $10,000 fine and he has been placed on probation for two years. He's promised not to hunt or fish in Alaska or Forest Service properties for one year. He also has to do a public service announcement to air on his Spirit of the Wild TV show every other week for one year.
NEW OFFSPRING MUSIC WILL BE HERE ON JUNE 26TH!
The Offspring's new album, Days Go By, will be released on June 26th. The title track is streaming at Offspring.com and is available at all digital retailers. The Offspring have also announced that they'll be performing their 1992 album Ignition in its entirety during their show Thursday at Alex's Bar in Long Beach, California.
GENE SIMMONS CLAIMS EDDIE WANTED TO QUIT VH AND JOIN KISS BACK IN THE DAY…
Gene Simmons believes KISS wouldn't have been a good fit for Eddie Van Halen -- even though, he says, Eddie begged to join after Ace Frehley quit in 1982. Simmons says Eddie told him, "I can't take [David Lee] Roth -- he's driving me nuts. We're not getting along. I've got this sound in my head that I want Van Halen to do, and Roth doesn't want to do it, and we're just getting to a point where he's believing his own hype." Simmons says he convinced him to stay, but not before recording demos of "Christine Sixteen," "Love for Sale" and "Tunnel of Love" with Eddie and his brother Alex. He concluded "it wasn't a natural fit." Simmons helped Van Halen on early demos that led to them getting a record deal with Warner Brothers.
PEARL JAM’S MIKE McCREADY SAYS HE’S TRYING TO RESURRECT MAD SEASON!
Pearl Jam guitarist Mike McCready revealed that he is trying to resurrect his mid-90s side project Mad Season. The band, which released one album Above in 1995, featured the late Alice in Chains frontman Layne Staley, as well as members of the Screaming Trees. In an interview with a Kentucky radio station, McCready said that after Staley’s 2002 death, he and his Mad Season bandmates recorded material under a new name Disinformation, and he has about 12 songs, eight of which he described as “pretty great.” Said Mike, “They need to be edited, but they’re all music, so we’re trying to find singers that are up to the caliber of Layne to do justice to it.” He hopes to release the material by the end of the year.
NEW MOTLEY CRUE DVD IS DUE THIS SUMMER!
Motley Crue is planning to release a new DVD this summer. The band, who kicks off a North American tour with KISS on July 20th in Bristow, VA, will release Motley Crue – Kickstart Live 2011 on June 5th. The DVD was recorded at various concerts across North America last year.
AEROSMITH IS MAKING PROGRESS ON THE NEW RECORD AND STEVEN TYLER DOES BK?!
Joe Perry says Aerosmith are almost done recording their next album, and he Tweets that if all goes well, they "could actually be mixing [it] in a week or so." He adds that he "heard a rumor" that their label, Columbia, likes it. He jokes, "Now I'm worried." The album, Aerosmith's first of original material in 11 years, will be out in the fall, but Perry says the "new single will be out soon." Perry wrote the opening music for this Wednesday's episode of CSI on CBS. And no, you're not seeing things. That is Steven Tyler starring in a new Burger King commercial. He plays an employee who's constantly distracted by female customers.
COLDPLAY’S DOING IDOL THIS WEEK IF YOU’RE INTO THAT SORT OF THING…
Coldplay will turn in their first-ever performance on American Idol on Thursday night. It comes on their day off during a three-night stint at the Hollywood Bowl, with shows Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday. That run will wrap up the first leg of Coldplay's North American tour, but they'll kick off a second leg on June 22nd in Dallas.